funny jokes in english for students
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.????
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied the girl.
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.
Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?
Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?
Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.????
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”
Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?”
Nick: “What do you think it is, Sir?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Nick: “I don’t think I know either, Sir!”
Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I”
Student: “I is..”
Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am”
Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!
Mother: “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?”
Junior: “Because of absence.”
Mother: “You mean you were absent on the day of the test?”
Junior: “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.”
Teacher: How old is your dad.
Student: He is as old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Student: Because he became a dad only after I was born.
best funny jokes in english for students
Teacher: “Why are you late, Joseph?”
Joseph: “Because of a sign down the road.”
Teacher: “What does a sign have to do with you being late?”
Joseph: “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow!’”
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!
The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ….
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run …
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!
Son: I am not able to go to school today.
Father: what happened?
Son: I am not feeling well
Father: Where you are not feeling well?
Son: In school!
student : Your stupid!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
student : No.
Girl: I’m the principals daughter.
student : Do you know who I am?
Girl: No. Boy: Good. (walks away)
student in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee
Waitress : Is it enough Sir?
student : What? Do you think I can’t buy more?
student : Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
student : Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.
student receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
student says, “OK, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”
student replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”
Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.
Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!????
very funny jokes in english for students
Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa?
Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Africa.
Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809.
John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was born”
Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819
Then Sam suddenly stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!
Teacher said the students to convert the sentence “I killed a person” into future tense.
Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is “u will go to jail”!
One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!
Teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.
All the students said “Yeahh”
Then the teacher said “We will have the other half this afternoon”!????
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”!
funny jokes in english for school
Son: “My math teacher is crazy”. Mother: “Why?” Son: “Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1;
today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2.”
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?”
The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and
I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
hilarious funny jokes in english for students
My daughter received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor,
I won’t be able to come to any of your classes
or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?”
A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence.
“My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy.
A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”
An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?”
The student replied, “It is obviously past.”
A student comes late to school.
His teacher asked him “Why were you late to school?”
Student: “My mom and dad were fighting.”
Teacher: “What does your parents fighting have to do with you being late for school?”
Student: “One of my shoes was in my mom’s hand and the other one was in dad’s hand…..????
school jokes for teachers
Teacher: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
Student: One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Teacher: Why do geographers find mountains so funny?
Student: Because they’re hill areas.
Teacher: What pencil did Shakespeare write with?
Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Student: At the bottom.
Teacher: Who invented fractions?
Student: Henry the 1/4th.
We had an exam in class today and afterwards the teacher said to me, “I hope I didn’t see you looking at John’s answers.”
I said, “I hope so too.”
My teacher forgot to take the register today.
My math teacher asked me why I was doing my sums on the floor.
I said, “You told us to do them without using tables.”
My teacher said today, “I want you to give me the longest sentence you can think of.”
I said, “Life imprisonment.”
My teacher pointed his ruler at me when I was talking in class today and told me there was an idiot at the end of it.
I asked him which end.????
A new teacher, trying to make use of her psychology courses, started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up.”
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”
“No Ma’am, “he said, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”????